Ahhh yes! The dreaded “S” word — socialization! I am MUCH less sensitive to this word than I was when I started homeschooling. I have come to realize that really, it is a non-issue. If anything, the girls are more socialized in a much more well-rounded way.
What do I mean by this?
Well, to start, I read somewhere that the only time kids are forced to socialize only with peers of their same exact age and demographic is in k-12 school — in all other walks of life, their peer group is made up of a mixture of ages and genders and social strata. I would bet in a one-room-school, socialization was much different than it is today where kids are segregated by age and ability (special needs, gifted, etc.) Think about college — that is when kids start socializing with other ages, other interests, are exposed to other forms of thought from upper-classmen, student teachers, professors. Much different! And I know, at least for me, it was tremendously freeing and satisfying to see that finally, I wasn’t as weird as I always thought I was because I didn’t “fit in” with the kids at South Junior High or Central High School. I wanted to spare the twins that kind of torture socialization at all costs!
After a year of homeschooling, I would say the twins are more socialized than they ever were before. They are in dance classes with kids the same age, younger and older, take a sewing class with kids that again make up the varied demographic — they have friends come play or spend the night on occasion. They are not afraid to “converse” politely with adults–this is something new that happened this year. Lula did Volleyball at the Y this winter. She played with hispanic kids, native americans, and an african american girl. They are taking pottery class with kids that really LOVE pottery — you know the artsy fartsy granola types like their mom. — I think in the limited demographic we have here, where we live, that would not have happened.
They also, on occasion, spend time at the library and youth center on base. There the kids are even more diverse — they have lived all over the world, all over the United States, and have much to impart to my kids by modeling their ways of life, opening up a world of thought in that –yes, things are done differently in other places than they are always done here, in South Dakota.
Above all, they have each other. They are each other’s best friend. Sure they fight, they bicker, but at the end of the day they are always in one or the other’s room, comfortably engaged in whatever they have decided is the “thing to do” at the moment. This is what I always wished for them from the time they were in-utero. That they would grow up to be best of friends. And that, I feel, is the greatest gift that I can give to them, and they to each other. I realize that not everyone is blessed like this, to have a twin sister who is also your best friend. It is a blessing, and I am glad of it.
Are they “socialized” in the traditional American sense of the word? No. Am I glad of it? –YES! I don’t feel that particular type of socialization that has become the “norm” is beneficial nor healthy. I don’t think being a part of, or being picked on by a bunch of “mean girls” does anything for one’s socialization skills other than to make them miserable, distrustful and spiteful. I really feel that in a traditional school setting, it is survival of the fittest. I lived it myself in High School here. I hated every minute of it. I didn’t fit in because I was a “new kid,” didn’t party like the others, was artistic, didn’t play sports — all that worked to shape some parts of me that I am not proud of today.I changed a lot of who I really was, gave up a lot of my core values to try and make myself more appealing to fit in. And guess what? I still didn’t fit in.
I want my girls to grow up to be proud of themselves and who they are. Proud of how they look, even if they want to dress a little eclectic or their body type doesn’t fit into a “mold”. I want them to be proud of their special abilities and talents, even if they are different than what is “cool” or “hip” or “in” at that particular moment in time. I don’t think socialization in the traditional sense fosters this in our children. I think it stifles it. Makes everyone try to conform to what the “status” symbol du jour is.
Let me tell you a story before I end this novel and step off my soap box. I moved here from Boston in 1978. I looked different, dressed differently and had a heavy Boston accent. I was different. And because of this difference I was made to feel an outsider by kids at my school. I was shunned by the “popular” kids even as I desperately wanted to be a part of them. I did many things I am not proud of to try and claw my way into that group. Many a time I sat in that tortuous lunchroom by myself wishing I could be one of the cool kids who would never even bother to nod their heads at me in the hall.
Fast forward about 5 years. Now I am the cool one. I play in a band. I look good — I play well. I am opening for a big-name headline act that came to Rapid City at the BIG venue. And there, below the stage, is a group of the popular kids from high school– still hanging out together, the guys now with their beer guts, the girls still hanging on to the same look from high school. And now they all want ME to notice THEM. The tables were turned. I felt pretty smug — but it took something away from me too– I felt kind of small and mean that I would even feel good that they ended up where they did and I ended up where I did. Why did it have to be that way? That we were all trying to make each other feel bad so that we ourselves could feel better? Those are my personal memories of “socialization.” It’s not something I want to pass down to this generation. I like the new way much better.
